‘C of E...’

Church of England

 

 

'aware of his full glory...'

The glory of God is the majesty, splendour and supreme value of the perfections of God's character

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'in and for His glory...'

The glory of God is the majesty, splendour and supreme value of the perfections of God's character. To live for this is to see this nature of God spread throughout the earth, to see his name lifted high and to see his kingdom come

My first experiences of church life were at about the age of 8 and came from attending clubs and Sunday school at my local C of E church. At this point I was probably quite complacent with faith and believed that Christianity as a lifestyle was just for adults, or perhaps that I was living as much for God as I needed to! However, I was baptised and confirmed; I had at least belief in God, although I did not comprehend who He was and what this should mean to my life.

Slowly I stopped going to church and by the time I was about 12, I had pretty much stopped going altogether.

That would not be to say I suddenly lost my faith - I still believed in God and Christ (although, as previously stated, I was not yet aware of His full glory) but thought it unnecessary to attend church. I now realise this is a crucial part of my life as a Christian, as not only do I learn how I should live my life, but also allowing me to grow and strengthen in Christ.

I hit a big low in my life when I stopped going to church - I felt fear in my life, and an emptiness which I tried to fill with a lifestyle that, to be honest, I look back on in disgust.

However at the time, I was again complacent, still calling myself a Christian even though I wasn’t representing God at all.

So I mixed with people who just happened to all be going through rough patches at the same time as me - I was no different. Eventually, following a few misjudged words here and there, I came to hate my own body: I had a weight problem to put it simply. I don’t know how bad it got, but through it I began to self-harm, through means of pain and starvation, in a vain attempt to keep my own body the way I wanted to - perhaps it was a way of controlling myself, I wanted to be in control of my own life, and somehow deep inside I knew God was still there. Perhaps it was a rebellion? I could not say.

So my body image was at an all time low, and this caused me to slip into a paranoia of sorts: I thought that everyone was looking at me and that I would be rejected by those I kept dearest, leading to a fear of isolation. My heart felt heavy and I did not feel safe even though now I know God was watching over me (hindsight is a wonderful thing).

Then I went through an even crazier stage, between about 14 and 15, that included partying and drinking, as well as sexual immortality - this was all still on top of my body image problem. I didn’t think that what I was doing was a problem and openly defended myself by (what I can now see as …) manipulating Bible verses to my advantage,  picking and choosing what I wanted to do in relation to religion (continuing however, to believe in God). I had just been deceived by a well of deepening sin that told me what I was doing was acceptable.

Maybe it was caused by a poor relationship with my father (I still can’t recall the last time he told me he loved me), or maybe it was pressures from other people that caused me to believe simple urges must be given in to, but I felt the need to find some type of male companionship - one that I had not known before. Women for me were beautiful, and therefore I could not possibly be worthy of them.

It’s exactly as it says in Romans 1: 26-28 - basically that those in my sin allowed their hearts to be hardened by it, not being able to see the error in their ways, not knowing it was a sin and therefore I didn’t seek forgiveness for it and even tried to promote it in society.

(Fortunately it was the first of my more devastating sins [not that there’s a hierarchy, but to myself] that God rid me of - I now know that some people had been praying for me- and prayers are answered!)

The final straw I can remember had to be at a friend’s party - I drank more alcohol then I ever had before - and while sitting there thinking about what I was doing to my body I suddenly felt a deep and terrible depression - I burst into tears and told Emma that I felt I was nothing, that I had gone so far that God didn’t love me, that I was useless, and basically that I didn’t deserve my life. She tried to comfort me, but I wasn’t really in the right state of mind…

You may think - wait, after all of that time straying away from God, putting yourself first and beating yourself up, what could possible change your position? God’s love, of course - it took about 3, maybe 4 years of all of this before I started to realise how far off the track I had gone. I’m just thankful I still had some restraint, and that people had been praying for me.

After receiving some Christian worship music from a friend, I was a completely different person. I felt God’s presence and importance in my life, for the first time in years, if not ever. It was so strange that the lyrics meant so much to me, I felt the words pouring through my body, so amazing (the song was His Love by Hillsong). I truly decided I needed to sort out the remainder of my problems and live my life to the full in Christ. All I needed was to find a place to worship God in the new way I had found - and God knew exactly what to do (obviously!).

What seemed like a completely random invite to an event in the summer (Invite to 44) by Michael, turned into an invitation to re:generation church for the first time in September 2007, the talk (by Tony Anthony)  was so powerful it hit me (once again, I took an awful lot of convincing!) how much I had needed God in my life and from then I had decided to go to re:generation church. Now I can say I know the importance of faith in Christ and trust in His Love.

Since then I’ve had even more highs and lows then I thought I’d have - always managing to pull through with the support of the church and my new found love of Christ Jesus. I won’t pretend I don’t still have problems, everyone does, but now I know that nothing is too great a fear, challenge or sin to be taken care of by our God. Thankfully none of the things that were keeping me from God beforehand seem to be present any longer.

Now I spend most of my free time doing research into Christianity - Hoping to either be an apologetic and spread the word of God to all corners of the earth or to teach mathematics (both of which could be used to evangelise), whatever God wills to be done, as I now just want to do whatever He wants me to and live completely in and for His glory.

Finally, I thank my Saviour for His incomprehensible love for me and I pray that the world will one day all bow down for our King. That one day we would hear Hallelujahs from the streets. That one day all lives will be changed and saved, as mine has most graciously been.

 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not die, but have eternal life. [John 3:16]
An Ultimate Confirmation of God’s Love.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me.” [John 14:6]
An Ultimate Confirmation of Christ Jesus’ Position - He is the only way.

Christianity:

1. Noun - The religion based on the person and teachings of Jesus Christ

My mother says that she has always believed that there must be a ‘higher being’ and started to go to church a few years after my birth, I believe (She was baptised and confirmed shortly before myself). My father, on the other hand, refuses to believe that there is a God (at present) - so my upbringing before being able to make a true decision on Christ was quite equally balanced as I was not pressured into believing or not.