I was raised in family that was firmly agnostic, my parents didn’t baptise me or take me to Church, they wanted me to make my own choices about faith just as they had done. So I grew up believing there might be something up there, but never really spending too much time considering it.

Then in 2006 my Nan died of cancer. It really hit me hard, but I buried the pain, ignored it and moved on with my life. I was only twelve so I didn’t understand how doing this would affect me. I have always had issues sleeping and nightmares. Night time is something that even now I still struggle with. I began to play games I knew would stop me sleeping, read things I knew would scare me then wake up screaming. Desperation eventually took over and I decided to give praying a shot. I used to beg God to help me sleep, to not be scared, to take away the nightmares that appeared when I would close my eyes and slowly he did.

In 2008 I began attending a Church choir simply because I liked to sing. I went to a festival called Solid and it made me wonder if God did in fact exist.

The October of 2008 I went to Malta with my family and we stayed in my Mum’s house, which used to belong to my Nan, and it was really hot. I still didn’t want to admit God existed even though he had reached out to me numerous times at places like the Solid festival, I just kept denying him. Until one night my brother, sister and I went to bed as usual, my Dad went to plug in a fan above my bed when I got this feeling not to let him plug it in there so I told my Dad to plug it in elsewhere then went to sleep. About two hours after I felt as if I were being pulled awake, I was really hot, I could hear a faint crackling and the room was really light. Sitting up I then saw that the fan was alight and had begun to collapse. I jumped out of bed and dragged my brother and sister out of the room before waking up my parents to put out the fire. After things had calmed down I was lying on my mattress in the kitchen and began to cry. I realised that it was God that woke me up, who had stopped the plug being placed above my bed, if it had been, my bed would have set alight - he saved me. In that moment I promised to follow God and came back from Malta calling myself a Christian.

It wasn’t until I began going to re:generation that I realised what being a true Christian meant. I still hadn’t given my life to Christ and every time God tried to connect with me I told him I wasn’t ready. Then I attended something called GHD at the Church which is a girl’s discipleship group and at my first session I saw how changed these girls’ lives were and could see how Christ was alive within them, then in my second session, on the 15th January 2010, I gave my life to God and I came home a different person.

I would still cry sometimes, but I now know that that was God healing me from the pain in my past. As I would sit on my bed I would tell him about my Nan, my friends, how much it hurt when I knew that I was still the outsider, he showed me that it wasn’t true, he made me see how I was my own worst enemy. As the observer I am I had always struggled to see the good in myself, but God is slowly healing that and showing me my part in his vision.

At Soul Survivor 2010 I experienced the Holy Spirit for the first time, it was incredible. He spoke to me using his own voice and those around me. One moment I remember most vividly is when a girl called Hannah and I spoke to each other in tongues, a spiritual language and gift of the Holy Spirit, about our futures and God, it was amazing to experience our spirits connecting in such a way. It made my relationship with God so much stronger.

Failed friendships and low-self esteem made it hard for me to believe that anyone could truly like me, let alone love me in the way God does, but he has shown me himself in those around me and given me a new perspective that no matter my failings, I will always be loved and accepted by him.